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Episode 24
Congresswoman Says Botched Plastic Surgery Most Important Issue Facing U.S.
aired: Thu, Jul 30, 2009
Rep. Lynn Merriweather says bill will protect the millions of Americans who just want to appear as young as they feel on the inside, that's all.
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Episode 23
Congressman's Son Won't Shut The Hell Up During Hearing
aired: Thu, May 14, 2009
Congressman Eisley conducts hearing on Market Data Protection Reform, restrains self from murdering five year old son.
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Episode 21
Lawmaker's War Hero Son Would Have Wanted Road Bill Passed
aired: Thu, Mar 26, 2009
Rep. David Whittle (D-VA) speaks passionately about how his son, who died in Iraq, would have loved to see this appropriations bill passed.
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Episode 20
Congressman Makes Preemptive Apology For Extramarital Affair
aired: Tue, Mar 3, 2009
Rep. Gregory White (D-NH) tearfully asks forgiveness for the degrading and sinful acts he is about to engage in.
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Episode 19
Congress Debates Elaborate Dance For Obama's Inauguration
aired: Tue, Jan 13, 2009
Rep. Cummings (D-VA) wants to mark Obamas historic inauguration with an intricately choreographed dance piece of his own creation.
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Episode 18
President Faces Down Monster In Action-Packed Schedule
aired: Tue, Dec 9, 2008
The press secretary tells reporters that before the president can defeat the monster, he'll have to defeat his greatest enemy of all: his own doubts.
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Episode 17
USDA Official Takes Brave Stand Against Interstate Potato Pricing
aired: Tue, Nov 25, 2008
A deputy assistant at the Department of Agriculture speaks truth to power, condemning proposed changes in Idaho's potato output pricing structure.
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Episode 16
Press Secretary's 'Zumtrel Flooby' Answer Attempt To Evade Question
aired: Tue, Oct 21, 2008
The press secretary explained the president's economic policy by talking about something called a 'grapewood straab.'
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Episode 15
The Onion: NASA Tests Effects Of Space On Fat Astronaut
aired: Thu, Aug 7, 2008
Mission specialist Robert Barrett first became suspicious when he noticed most of his tasks involved measuring his waist and eating cookie dough.
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Episode 14
Pentagon's Unmanned Spokesdrone Gives Press Conference
aired: Tue, Jul 29, 2008
The spokesdrone will field questions deemed too dangerous for a human press secretary, whose career could be irreparably damaged by answering them.
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Episode 12
The Onion: U.S. Closes Final WWII Internment Camp
aired: Wed, Jun 4, 2008
White House Press Secretary Debra Browning reminds reporters that there were 26 other camps that the U.S. successfully closed on time. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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Episode 11
The Onion: Astronauts Suffer Death After Helium Leak
aired: Tue, Apr 29, 2008
Two astronauts on the International Space Station display courage, honor, and squeaky voices as they struggle to patch a deadly helium leak.
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Episode 10
The Onion: Representative Wants To Meet More Kids Online
aired: Wed, Apr 23, 2008
Rep. Gelinas proposes an educational bill to increase the number of young people he meets in under-13 chat rooms. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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Episode 9
The Onion: Congress Debates Merits Of New Catchphrase
aired: Tue, Apr 15, 2008
Rep. William Cummings (D-VA) defends his use of the slang word "pronk" as a legitimate catchphrase. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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Episode 7
The Onion: Rep. Ingersol's Murder of a Hobo
aired: Wed, Mar 19, 2008
Congressman Robert Ingersol (R-SC) reads detailed report in the House of Representatives on his recent killing of a hobo. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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Episode 6
The Onion: Press Secretary Spins Wife's Death As A Positive
aired: Mon, Mar 17, 2008
White House Press Secretary Ted Barrett deflects questions about the gruesome car wreck that killed his wife, instead focusing on the President's agenda. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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Episode 5
The Onion: Snacks Distract Lawmakers From Horrors of War
aired: Tue, Mar 11, 2008
A congressional committee discussing Iraq War casualty levels approves of the delicious chips and salsa Rep. Benjamin Sinclair (R-OH) brought to the hearing. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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Episode 4
Rep. Nelson Proposes The Gary Nelson Personal Pay Raise Bill
aired: Mon, Feb 18, 2008
Congressman Gary Nelson has an economic plan to raise his family's standard of living. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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Episode 3
The Onion: Representative To Rid Congress Of Gang Members
aired: Tue, Jan 29, 2008
Live From Congress: According to Congressman Porter, gang members have infiltrated our neighborhoods, our schools, and even the Capitol. More coverage at: http://onion.com
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Episode 2
(Classified) Bill Defends Against Flesh-Eating (Classified)
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
Rep. John Haller (R-PA) introduces a bill that will allocate (classified) dollars over the next (classified) years to fight flesh-eating (classified). More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
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Episode 1
The Onion: Live From Congress-The Skull Fucking Bill Of 2007
aired: Thu, Jan 17, 2008
US Rep. Benjamin Sinclair (R-OH) has a plan to reduce skull fucking levels in America by 5 to 7 percent. More coverage at: www.onion.com
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