Barney Miller
Captain Barney Miller (Hal Linden) and his officers fight crime in this humorous classic TV series. Captain Barney Miller is the consummate boss, earning the loyalty of the officers under him. The early shows featured scenes from Barney's home life, but it was soon put on the back burner to emphasize the characters with whom he interacted at the twelfth precinct. Detective Ron Harris (Ron Glass) would rather be an author and even publishes a book about the precinct that isn't exactly flying off the shelves. Nick Yemana (Jack Soo) is a Japanese American cop from Omaha who is so low key he's almost napping. Wojciehowicz (Maxwell Gail), or Wojo, is the innocent of the group who doesn't seem very bright but speaks for everyone with his simple statements of truth. Dietrich (Steve Landesberg) is the intellectual who could be doing anything for a living, but chooses to be a detective. Fish (Abe Vigoda) is the seen-it-all veteran who can't wait for retirement, even though that would mean more time with his wife, Bernice (Florence Stanley). All of them worked together to make one of the funniest sitcoms ever on the air.
Genre: Comedy
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Episode 23
Inauguration
aired: Thu, May 18, 1978
A morning more hectic than most for Capt. Barney Miller and the detectives of the 12th Precinct marks the inauguration of New York City's new mayor, Ed Koch. The entire police force is mobilized to protect the mayor-elect during the public ceremony, to investigate the residents of the mayor's apartment building, and examine threatening mail. Det. Harris is away from the squad room, temporarily assigned to the mayor's security detail. Officer Levitt, temporarily a plainclothesman, is helping Dietrich investigate a series of anonymous, threatening letters to Koch.
Episode 22
The Sighting
aired: Thu, May 11, 1978
When Detective Wojehowicz (Wojo) is late for duty, Capt. Miller and the other officers of the 12th Precinct merely assume he was out on a romantic date the night before, as usual. Wojo finally arrives and claims to have been up all night pursuing an unidentified flying object which he sighted over Staten Island. Harriet Brauer, an upset woman in her fifties, enters and demands that her husband be arrested. Mr. Brauer, it seems, after reading magazine pieces about an inevitable worldwide economic collapse, has removed the family savings, sold the car and the house, and bought all the gold he could afford. Det. Dietrich informs Det. Harris that Brauer's bizarre reaction was to a genuinely regarded economic theory. In the event of such a disaster as is predicted, precious metals alone would be valuable. Harris begins to worry about the soundness of his own investments. Because Brauer has forged his wife's name in some of his transactions, Barney orders him brought in for questioning.
Episode 21
Evaluation
aired: Thu, May 4, 1978
When Capt. Barney Miller casually informs the members of his 12th Precinct division that he has been required to fill out a new evaluation form of each officer's performance, the detectives try to hide their consternation. Outwardly, business goes on as usual, with Det. Harris bringing in a suspect who insists that his name is 1223. The suspect had tried to hit a bank cashier who refused to let him open a checking account with a number instead of a name. 1223 is an obsessive follower of numerology -- the occult significance of numbers -- and refuses to tell Barney his old name, which he now considers irrelevant.
Episode 20
Hostage
aired: Thu, Mar 23, 1978
Female Officer Roz Licori is filling in for vacationing Officer Nick Yemana at Captain Barney Miller's 12th Precinct. It proves fortunate that a woman is present to help Det. Wojo handle a call from Miss Louise Helmond, who claims she has been abused in public. It seems that Heiman was insulted by lewd remarks from Sammy, the ventriloquist's dummy owned and operated by one Oscar Leed. When brought in to the station house, Oscar proves to be a timid soul, but Sammy obnoxiously insults everyone in sight. Oscar, apparently, regards Sammy as a real person.
Episode 19
Quo Vadis?'
aired: Thu, Mar 2, 1978
The officers of the 12th Precinct are alarmed when a report comes in that Capt. Barney Miller has been shot while foiling an attempted robbery. While Detectives Harris and Wojehowicz try frantically to find out which hospital Barney has been sent to, Barney shows up with nothing worse than a wounded index finger, now safely bandaged. Barney tends to business, which today includes Milton Loftus, a habitual criminal who has just tried to rob a market, and Laura Jacobs, a woman in her sixties who has come to complain about the outrageous pornography on display at a local smut-peddling establishment. The smut in question turns out to be a group of oil paintings at a distinguished art gallery. Since works of art are not considered obscene, Barney tells the disappointed Miss Jacobs that no action will be taken.
Episode 18
Wojo's Problem
aired: Thu, Feb 23, 1978
Wojo has a problem that strikes many men at one time or another in the era before a little blue pill could fix it... and he brings it to Barney, who would have rather never known about it! Detective Roslyn Licori joins the squad and the detectives must deal with her very jealous husband. A shoplifter escapes - in his wheelchair!
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Episode 16
Eviction (1)
aired: Thu, Feb 2, 1978
pending final decision of a review board, because he failed to carry out a court order. Barney places his next in command, Yemana, in charge of the squad room.
Episode 15
Rape
aired: Tue, Feb 12, 2008
Anthony Duggan reports an unusual robbery to Barney and the detectives of the 12th Precinct: while giving confession in a Catholic church, a priest stole Duggan's money. Meanwhile, an hysterical woman, Katherine Lindsay, rushes in to report that she has been raped. Then Barney asks if she can describe her assailant and the tearful woman hands over a photo of the attacker -- her husband, Marvin. Barney phones the District Attorney's office, he receives an order to arrest Mr. Lindsay. Detectives Wojehowicz and Yemana bring Mr. Lindsay into custody. He is outraged at his wife's accusation, and no less angry is his attorney, Neal Korchak. While the Lindsays and Korchak argue over whether Lindsay committed rape by forcing his attentions on his wife without first putting her into a romantic mood, Dietrich and Harris are dispatched to investigate a robbery reportedly committed by a policeman. Harris and Yemana return with their prisoner, Philip Ross, the man who has been stealing under the guises of priest, policeman and a doctor. The next arrival at the station house is Assistant D.A. Leslie Dornan, a young woman who urges Mrs. Lindsay to press charges against her husband to establish a precedent to protect other abused wives. Harris admires Ms. Dornan's spirit as well as her appearance. With some advice, Mrs. Lindsay is convinced that her husband has learned his lesson and will try to behave better in the future, she drops the charges, much to the regret of both Dornan and Korchak. Harris mentions to the departing Assistant D.A. that he is assigned to the D.A.'s office a couple of days a month.
Episode 14
Appendicitis
aired: Thu, Jan 19, 1978
Det. Nick Yemana complains of stomach pains, but dutifully continues the important filing necessary at the 12th Precinct station house. Abel Kleiner, a pleasant-looking man in his sixties, drops in to introduce himself to Captain Barney Miller and the other detectives, and to ask for copies of the latest wanted posters. When asked why he wants them, Kleiner matter-of-factly explains that he is a bounty-hunter: "Listen, I retired two years ago -- so I've got a lot of free time on my hands -- it keeps me busy."
Episode 13
Ghost, The
aired: Tue, Feb 12, 2008
Capt. Barney Miller sends detectives Wojo and Dietrich to investigate a report of a man "gone crazy in an apartment." The officers return with, Elliot Porter, and recount how they had found him throwing furniture - and his cat - around his room. Porter insists that it was not he, but Julius, a ghost, who was responsible. Patrolman Levitt brings in two people whose arguing was causing a public disturbance. Tricia Morgan, a streetwalker in her thirties, wants a court order restraining a Greek immigrant, Dimitrius Stefanos, from pestering her with any more visits, flowers or candy. Stefanos, however, figures that he is entitled to be affectionate toward Tricia since she is his wife. She admits that she married the man, but only as a business arrangement so that Stefanos could become a citizen. When a coat rack tumbles and a file drawer falls to the floor, Porter becomes hysterical, insisting that Julius has now come to haunt the station house. Barney sends for help from the mental health department of Bellevue Hospital. Carl Simms, from the Immigration Department, arrives to investigate the matter of Stefanos and his reluctant wife. Unfortunately for Tricia, Simms determines that the marriage is legal, despite its unorthodox origins, and there is nothing that can be done to restrain Stefanos from trying to become friends with her. When Wojo starts to crack a joke about Tricia's shady occupation, Stefanos vehemently leaps to her defense, a gallant act which softens Tricia. When she and Stefanos take their leave of the station house, it appears that there is still chance that her attitude toward Stefanos may some day change enough to permit a genuine relationship to develop. The Bellevue ambulance arrives for Porter, who is taken away convinced that the psychiatrists will find him a perfectly sane victim of a supernatural phenomenon. No explanation is forthcoming for the bizarre actions of the coat rack and drawer.
Episode 12
Bank, The
aired: Tue, Feb 12, 2008
Detective Harris arrives at the 12th Precinct accompanied by truck driver Lou Spelva and a lot of baggage. Spelva had been driving Harris and all his worldly goods to his new apartment when they discovered that the place, for which Harris had failed to sign a rental agreement, was suddenly unavailable. While Harris, who is paying Spelva by the hour, frets over where to go next, Yemana and Wojo are sent to investigate a disturbance at a sperm bank. Inspector Luger arrives to give the men a pep talk, and Harris leaves with Spelva, still not knowing where to take his belongings but hating to see Spelva sitting around on Harris' money. Wojo and Yemana return with their prisoner, Philip Hammel, and Ms. Helen Bateman, laboratory supervisor at the sperm bank. Hammel, who had made a deposit prior to having had a vasectomy, went berserk and started breaking lab equipment after learning that the bank had accidentally destroyed his specimen, thus ending his hopes of having children in the future. Ms. Bateman insists that the unrepentant Hammel should be arrested. Hammel's wife comes to the station house, learns what has happened, and is horrified not by what has happened to her husband's deposit, but at his declaration that he will go to jail rather than pay damages to Bateman's bank. By subtly implying that, with her husband in jail, she might have to turn to another male for companionship, Mrs. Hammel convinces Philip to pay the damages. The couple departs, having decided that when they are ready to have a child, they will adopt one. Harris returns, having sent Spelva to deliver his belongings to Harris' aunt in Poughkeepsie, but having found no place to live. He plans to sleep a few nights in the station house until he finds a new apartment, but Capt. Miller and Dietrich convince Harris to move in with Dietrich, at least for the time being.
Episode 11
Atomic Bomb
aired: Tue, Feb 12, 2008
Apartment-building manager Buster Seldes reports to the 12th Precinct that a young tenant named Thayer has been experimenting with smelly, smoking chemicals. Seldes fears that the youth may be a dangerous revolutionary making drugs or bombs, so Capt. Barney Miller sends Det. Yemana and a bomb squad to investigate. A middle-aged, middle-class housewife named Evelyn Kruger enters and expresses concern for her husband's welfare. Harry Kruger, it seems, has been depressed since having a pacemaker installed in his heart. He is planning to commit suicide "temporarily:" he is paying to be frozen by a cryonics firm and thawed out a hundred years hence so that he can awaken to a better world. Yemana returns with Sgt. Cavanaugh of the bomb squad, carrying a strange-looking device. Cavanaugh says that whatever it is it is not a bomb, for it has none of bomb's standard features. Det. Wojehowicz ("Wojo") brings in John Thayer, the young student who has made the device. He calmly explains that it is a part of his master's thesis: an atomic bomb. Barney sends for experts, and the authorities send Bill McKuen, an FBI agent who can do nothing until he hears from his higher authorities, and Dr. Reinhold Bauer, a nuclear scientist who expresses open admiration for Thayer's achievement but no concern for the dangers involved, much to Barney's consternation. Harry Kruger and Vern Swanson, head of the cryonic corporation have come, at Barney' request, for questioning. Swanson and Bauer end up arguing their different views of science. The FBI sends word that Thayer may leave, but his bomb must be confiscated. Mrs. Kruger persuades her husband to live the rest of his years in the same century with her; Swanson has lost a customer.
Episode 8
Chase
aired: Thu, Nov 17, 1977
Det. Wojehowicz (Wojo) steps out to pick up some hamburgers as Detectives Harris and Dietrich enter with a drug pusher, James Glynn, in custody. Capt. Miller barely has time to marvel at Glynn's roll of pocket money -- a wad of bills amounting to several thousand dollars -- when taxi driver Antonio Millian and passenger Sheila Rosen rush in to complain about a policeman who has just commandeered Millian's cab. Wojo, it seems, has borrowed the cab to give chase to a liquor store robbery suspect. Millian is frantic with worry over the cab, his only source of livelihood, and Miss Rosen is upset over her belongings, which are still in the cab.
Episode 7
Blizzard
aired: Thu, Nov 3, 1977
During a raging snowstorm, Det Wojehowicz (Wojo) arrests middle-aged hoodlum Leo Lujak. Meanwhile, Det. Harris, a would-be writer, decides to incorporate himself into a "business" for tax purposes and offers Capt. Barney Miller an honorary vice-presidency. When Barney declines, Harris is offended and begins behaving coolly toward him. Suddenly, Lujak dies. Even though the examining physician states the cause of death was heart failure, Wojo feels responsible. Due to the intense storm, the coroner may not be able to pick up the body for a day or two. Later, Det. Dietrich brings in Gerald Grodin, fanatic who had been harassing pedestrians, trying to warn them of the New Ice Age, which he expects in a few hours.
Episode 6
Copy Cat
aired: Wed, Dec 10, 2008
Detective Wojehowicz ("Wojo") finally passes the Sergeant's examination on his fifth try. Meanwhile, a criminal is robbing local businesses using techniques copied from police dramas on television. Coffee shop proprietor George Bosten reports that a man robbed his shop by threatening to blow himself up, just as Bosten had seen on a police show a few nights before. Harris brings in a less dangerous criminal named Harold Durrell, a middle-aged drunk who walked into a liquor store and tried to rob it by pointing his fingers like a gun. A call comes in that another TV-imitating crime is in progress -- a subway robbery in which the suspect rides atop a subway car with the help of suction cups. Det. Yemana and Dietrich rush to the scene. Capt. Miller tries in vain to console Wojo, who is disappointed that, even as a sergeant, he must do routine paper work.
Episode 5
Burial
aired: Tue, Feb 12, 2008
Capt. Barney Miller receives a surprise visit from recently retired Det. Phil Fish, who seems bored with his now peaceful existence. Just then, a body is reported stolen from the Hubbard Mortuary. Nelson Hubbard arrives and explains that customer Julius Wittnow had argued with him over prices. Then, after striking Hubbard, Lewis absconded with his friend, the late Leonard Lewis, "plus $75 worth of embalming." Detectives Wojo and Yemana go to Wittnow's home while Dietrich and Harris check to see if Wittnow has taken the body to another funeral establishment. Since Barney is now shorthanded, Fish volunteers to take Hubbard's statement. Yemana and Wojo return with Wittnow, an elderly widower who can no longer afford his rent now that his roommate, Leonard, is gone. Wittnow declares that he has buried Leonard with love, somewhere in Central Park, but will not reveal where. Again Fish volunteers, explaining that, as one senior citizen to another, he may be able to communicate with Wittnow. Wojo suggest that Barney allow Fish to do volunteer work for the precinct regularly, but Barney firmly refuses. He explains that such condescension to Fish would hurt his chances of finding fulfillment in his new lifestyle . Wittnow tells Fish where he has buried Leonard, and Fish leaves, knowing that his experience has been an important help. Hubbard drops charges against Wittnow and services are held for Leonard the following day at Hubbard's Mortuary.
Episode 4
Corporation
aired: Tue, Feb 12, 2008
Brad Laneer, legal representative of a major chemical corporation, asks Capt. Barney Miller for aid in tracking down an ecology-minded crusader who calls himself "The Hawk," and who defaces the corporation's property as a form of social protest. Meanwhile, Wojo brings in robbery victim Mrs. Hirsch, a sixty-ish "shopping bag lady" who willfully lives in poverty on the streets. At first refusing to speak with anyone, Mrs. Hirsch gradually warms to Wojo. Detectives Dietrich and Yemana arrest Alvin Trager for painting an obscene crossword puzzle on the windows of a building owned by Laneer's firm. Trager, who is, in fact, The Hawk, claims that big chemical corporations should be arrested for poisoning the environment. He then threatens the ultimate form of social protest: Test tube in hand, The Hawk announces that he will drink one of the corporation's chemicals and fatally poison himself to show the world the dangers of the firm's products. Even the suave Laneer is upset when Trager swallows the substance. All are relieved, however, when the Hawk identifies the chemical as food coloring: "Red dye number two -- I'll be dead from cancer in thirty years!" Meanwhile, Wojo has been deeply troubled by Mrs. Hirsch's living conditions, but reluctantly follows Barney's advice not to interfere out of respect for her as a person who wishes to make her own decisions in life. As the old woman leaves, she returns the key ring to Wojo that she had stolen from him. He insists that she keep it as a souvenir.
Episode 3
Bugs
aired: Wed, Dec 10, 2008
Detectives of the 12th Precinct bring in three suspected prostitutes and a man arrested for jumping on the Panamanian UN Ambassador as a protest against the current canal situation. Capt. Barney Miller suspects that one of the prostitutes, Roberta Curlan, is a novice, judging by her extremely nervous reactions and her anxious desire to pay the fine and leave. Upon questioning Ms. Curlan, he learns that she is a suburban housewife who had impulsively decided to try streetwalking in a misguided attempt to get back at her unresponsive husband. When Kelley, a fumigator, finds a concealed microphone in the woodworks of the squad room, Barney urges his men to conduct business as usual, despite the possibility that they have been "bugged" by headquarters. But Barney himself is unnerved when Kelley discover a second microphone in Barney's office. All the detectives are upset by the bugs, each worrying about what he might have said that he would not want overheard by headquarters.
Episode 2
Goodbye Mr.Fish - Part 2
aired: Tue, Mar 4, 2008
Bernice Fish arrives at the police station, upset that her husband has failed to report for his last official workday. When Fish does show up, he is whistling cheerfully and off-handedly explains that he had decided to walk to work from his Brooklyn home. Detectives Dietrich and Harris bring in prisoner Edward Sellers, a deranged man who believes that people's minds are being taken over by a sinister conspiracy, and that only those who can speak in a high, falsetto voice are still normal. Fearful of being spied upon, Sellers had tried to destroy a supermarket security camera. As Fish leaves on a call, he mentions that he won't get to a certain task until the following week. Capt. Miller fears that Fish has deluded himself into forgetting that this is his last day on the job, rather than face the painful prospect of retirement. When Fish and Wojo return with robbery suspect Gerald Sanders, Fish still speaks as if he will go on working, so Barney requests a private meeting. Confronted with the facts, Fish vows to fight the mandatory retirement, but Barney urges him to accept it as reality -- a beginning, not an end. About to be transferred to Bellevue Hospital, Sellers fears that a dehumanizing operation will be performed on him until Dietrich reassures him in a falsetto voice. Soon after, in a modest ceremony, Fish's fellow officers present him with a gift -- a bond which will reach maturity in 20 years. At last accepting his fate and looking toward the future, Fish bids each man goodbye, and then leaves the squad room of the 12th Precinct for the last time.
Click here to watch on hulu.com Faced with the pressure and finality of his retirement, Fish deludes himself into believing that he will continue working.
Episode 1
Goodbye Mr.Fish - Part 1
aired: Tue, Mar 4, 2008
A modest celebration is planned for Fish's last day of work before retirement, but when he doesn't show up at the precinct, his fellow detectives are worried. Of more concern to Capt. Barney Miller, however, is a poster which has turned up in the neighborhood offering a thousand-dollar "Good Citizen's Award" to anyone who fatally wounds a criminal during the commission of a crime. While Barney tries to determine the legality of such a poster, Det. Harris brings in Harold Temple, who was almost shot by an elderly couple whose grocery store he attempted to rob -- a store which displays the poster. Barney invites William Binder, middle-aged head of the citizens committee, to discuss the posters, but is unable to persuade the highly militant Binder to take them down. Just as Barney is informed by the District Attorney's office that the reward posters are not breaking any law, a disturbance breaks out in the neighborhood. Wojo, Levitt, and Yemana, sent to investigate, return with two shop owners: Kotterman and Rosten. When Rosten had fired at a would-be robber, his bullet had shattered Kotterman's window, whereupon the angered Kotterman had joined in the shooting. The disturbance quickly progressed into the streets and led to the shooting of the suspect. The shop owners, furious with each other, sober up quickly when they learn that the suspect has died. When Binder offers the merchants the reward, they are horrified and refuse. Meanwhile, concern mounts for the missing Fish and a search is organized.
Click here to watch on hulu.com Worried about Sgt. Fish, who has failed to arrive for his last day of work before retirement, Barney must deal with trigger-happy neighborhood vigilantes.
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